Spoiler Alert: Simba is Pacifist in New ‘Lion King’ Remake


In an effort to clean up the violent image of the previous film, the good folks at Disney have made a refreshing change to the new Lion King movie. Instead of defeating the evil Scar in an epic bloody battle, as had originally been planned, at the last minute the producers decided to go with a more “pacifist” version of Simba, now known as Simba Loewen from Yantsied.

“First he goes on a hunger strike,” said Disney executive Andrew Jansen. “You know, to draw attention to the plight of lions in the savannah.”

The story follows Simba Loewen’s journey from hunger striker to Conscientious Objector. He even spends some time in a logging camp out in the mountains, where he builds roads, reads his Bible, and sings German hymns with all CO buddies.

“It’s a heart-warming story to be sure. And not a drop of blood is shed,” said Jansen. “Oh, sure Mustafa’s kingdom is overthrown and taken over by Scar, but that’s a small price to pay.”

In the second half of the film, Simba Loewen spends all his time volunteering to fix old electronics at the local MCC thrift store. The new Lion King movie debuts in Mennonite church basements this week.

(photo credit: Rey Perezosco/CC)

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