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Unger Suspicion

Christians to Stop Killing Other Christians for at Least a Couple Minutes on Easter Sunday

April 20, 2025 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA “Christian” man Vladimir Putin has graciously decided to stop killing fellow Christians for a full fifteen minutes this Easter Sunday. “This is a time when we pause to reflect on our Lord and […]

Unger & Thirst

Poutine Wins 5th Term with 88% of the Vote

March 22, 2024 Andrew

MONTREAL, QC A box of delicious greasy poutine has won a whopping 88% of the popular vote this week, although some have doubts about the validity of the results. “I didn’t vote for poutine. My […]

Unger the Influence

House Speaker Rota Utterly Bewildered During ‘Axis and Allies’ Game

September 26, 2023 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Moments after resigning his post as Speaker of the House, Liberal MP Anthony Rota was spotted in sweatpants at the weekly ‘Axis and Allies’ games night held at Justin Trudeau’s bachelor pad. “Wait, […]

Unger Games

Ovechkin Gifts Putin with Record-Setting Puck

December 27, 2022 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA Just moments after an empty net goal put him second all-time in career goals, Capitals star Alexander Ovechkin tossed the historic puck into a manila envelope, slapped on a couple stamps, and mailed […]

Unger Suspicion

Putin “Too Busy Shirtless Hunting” to Attend Gorbachev’s Funeral

September 1, 2022 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA Russian dictator Vladimir Putin is “far too busy hunting with my shirt off” to attend the funeral of the best leader Russia’s had in the past 100 years. “You see when it’s shirtless […]

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