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winnipeg

Unger Suspicion

Self-Loathing Winnipeggers Select ‘Ugh…Winnipeg Sucks’ as New City Slogan

March 2, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Winnipeggers have spoken. By a wide margin, locals voted to replace ‘One Great City’ and ‘The Heart of the Continent’ with ‘Ugh….Winnipeg sucks’ as the new city slogan. “Time and again, what we […]

Unger Suspicion

British Columbian Freezes to Death Within Minutes of Arriving in Winnipeg

January 11, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mr. Mark Thiessen of Chilliwack froze to death after walking a hundred metres from the airport terminal to his rental car this weekend. Police found his frozen corpse, with his debit card in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Niverville Eager to Shed Raunchy ‘Bedroom Community’ Image

December 28, 2017 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB Many Winnipeg residents looking for affordable housing in a peaceful community with an easy commute have settled in the nearby Mennonite town of Niverville, but the ‘bedroom community’ label does not sit well […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winnipeg Hipsters Pay Big Bucks to Milk Cows

December 1, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Always seeking “authentic old school” experiences, the hipster population of Winnipeg is now venturing outside the Perimeter to milk cows in rural Manitoba. Mennonite farmers in the region have been eager to capitalize […]

The Daily Bonnet

Henderson Highway Permanently Closed to Motorized Vehicles

August 29, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Henderson Highway, in the heart of Winnipeg’s famed Anabaptist Quarter, is being permanently closed to motorized vehicular traffic this week after a request from concerned members of the Mennonite community. “We’re tired to having to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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