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Month: December 2017

Unger Conviction

Church New Year’s Eve Party Over By 8 PM

December 31, 2017 Andrew

OMAHA, NB Revellers at the Omaha Mennonite Church plan to ring in the New Year in the church basement tonight with hymn singing, board games, and Grandma Jansen’s onion dip. The festivities are scheduled to […]

Unger Conviction

Man Escapes Mennonite Section of Heaven, Shocked at What He Finds

December 30, 2017 Andrew

HEAVEN Mr. Abe Penner passed away in January 1968 and, for almost fifty years, had been living a quiet peaceful existence in the Mennonite section of Heaven, blissfully unaware of the vast expanse of Paradise […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Accidentally Sings Hymn 666

December 29, 2017 Andrew

NEUKRONSTHAL, AB A small town Mennonite church caused quite the uproar this past Sunday when the worship leader accidentally told parishioners to “turn in their hymnals to number 666.” “Waut de shissjat is this yet?” […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadians Completely Shocked by the Existence of Winter

December 28, 2017 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Millions of Canadians from coast-to-coast were completely flummoxed this week as temperatures dropped to the same frigid Canadian winter temperatures as every other winter. Many took to social media to vent their disbelief. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Niverville Eager to Shed Raunchy ‘Bedroom Community’ Image

December 28, 2017 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB Many Winnipeg residents looking for affordable housing in a peaceful community with an easy commute have settled in the nearby Mennonite town of Niverville, but the ‘bedroom community’ label does not sit well […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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