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war

The Daily Bonnet

Kitchener Man Finally Meets His Waterloo

May 5, 2021 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Mr. Eby, 79, has been looking all over the Tri-City area for a suitable life partner after his wife Agnes died in 2008 and it seems that the Kitchener area man has finally […]

Unger Suspicion

Joe Biden Continues Longstanding American Tradition of Bombing the Hell Out of Foreign Countries

February 26, 2021 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC It didn’t take long for President Joe Biden to bring back a longstanding American tradition by ordering his very first airstrike. “It’s an American tradition that I have to maintain,” said Joe Biden. […]

The Daily Bonnet

“Fearless” Invading Army Chased Out of Steinbach By a Gardening Implement

November 15, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB It was a battle for the ages … or as close as it gets in a town full of pacifists, anyway. A “brave and mighty” army of “fearless” warriors from Winnipeg (and a […]

Unger Suspicion

Americans Feel So Much Safer After Assassination of Some Guy They Never Heard of Before

January 4, 2020 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX Mr. Dueck of Seminole is breathing a sigh of relief this morning after it was revealed that some guy he’d never heard of before was now dead. “Finally I can sleep at night!” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Hipsters Forced to Cut Off Beards After Violating Pennsylvania Mennonite Patent

October 29, 2019 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Thousands of hipsters across the United States will be forced to shave off their beards at the end of this month after a Pennsylvania court ruled these beards a “clear violation” of a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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