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Unger Conviction

Canada to Increase Peace and Pacifism Budget to 5% of GDP

August 31, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON After pressure from the country’s Mennonite population, the government of Canada has decided to reallocate its entire military budget into efforts to promote peace and pacifism. “Our goal is to spend 5% of […]

Unger Suspicion

Innocent Civilian Super Grateful to Have House Bombed in Name of Freedom

June 23, 2025 Andrew

SOME CITY YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF, COUNTRY YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT An innocent civilian in some other country is super grateful to all the foreign powers who decided the best way to bring about his […]

Unger Suspicion

Christians to Stop Killing Other Christians for at Least a Couple Minutes on Easter Sunday

April 20, 2025 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA “Christian” man Vladimir Putin has graciously decided to stop killing fellow Christians for a full fifteen minutes this Easter Sunday. “This is a time when we pause to reflect on our Lord and […]

Unger the Influence

Mennonites Arrested in Washington for Being Way Too Peaceful

January 18, 2024 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC 130 hymn-singing Mennonites were arrested in Washington, DC this week and charged with being, “like, way too peaceful and stuff.” The arrests came after several dozen Mennonites sat down in the Cannon Hill […]

Unger the Influence

Nobel Peace Prize to Be Renamed ‘Henry Kissinger Memorial Award’

November 30, 2023 Andrew

OSLO, NORWAY After the passing of everyone’s favourite war criminal this week, the Nobel committee in Oslo has decided to solidify the mistake they made in 1973 by renaming the Nobel Peace Prize as the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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