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war

Unger Suspicion

Joe Biden Continues Longstanding American Tradition of Bombing the Hell Out of Foreign Countries

February 26, 2021 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC It didn’t take long for President Joe Biden to bring back a longstanding American tradition by ordering his very first airstrike. “It’s an American tradition that I have to maintain,” said Joe Biden. […]

The Daily Bonnet

“Fearless” Invading Army Chased Out of Steinbach By a Gardening Implement

November 15, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB It was a battle for the ages … or as close as it gets in a town full of pacifists, anyway. A “brave and mighty” army of “fearless” warriors from Winnipeg (and a […]

Unger Suspicion

Americans Feel So Much Safer After Assassination of Some Guy They Never Heard of Before

January 4, 2020 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX Mr. Dueck of Seminole is breathing a sigh of relief this morning after it was revealed that some guy he’d never heard of before was now dead. “Finally I can sleep at night!” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Hipsters Forced to Cut Off Beards After Violating Pennsylvania Mennonite Patent

October 29, 2019 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Thousands of hipsters across the United States will be forced to shave off their beards at the end of this month after a Pennsylvania court ruled these beards a “clear violation” of a […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Gamers Excited for Release of “Call of Duty: Morden Warfare”

September 18, 2018 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Video game players across the Pembina Valley have lined up outside local Walmarts and Giant Tigers this week for the release of ‘Call of Duty: Morden Warfare.’ “Jauma, I can’t wait to try […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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