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summer

Unger & Thirst

Ra’bus Shortage Leaves Mennonites Eating Dry Roll Kuchen

June 27, 2020 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO With demand outstripping supply this year, millions of Mennonites have been left ra’busless and desperate for something to sweeten up their roll kuchen. “You gotta have the golden syrup, maybe even some icing […]

The Daily Bonnet

Unseasonable Warmth Has Mennonites Flocking to the Pits

January 26, 2020 Andrew

HOCHSTEIN, MB As temperatures have risen well above freezing this week, Mennonites across southern Manitoba have been flocking to the local gravel pits for a swim. “Kjnels, don’t forget the zoat!” yelled Jakob Krahn, as […]

The Daily Bonnet

Manitoba Man Melts into a Puddle of Goo within Seconds of Arriving in Paraguayan Chaco

October 16, 2019 Andrew

FILADELFIA, PARAGUAY Peter Thiessen, 21, has melted into a puddle of goo just moments after getting off the plane in Paraguay. Thiessen was a first time visitor to Paraguay where he intended to see his […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Discovers Farmer’s Tan in His Plumber’s Crack

August 4, 2019 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Scientists have flocked to the northern Alberta town of La Crete this week after a distinct farmer’s tan was discovered in a local man’s plumber’s crack. “Mr. Klassen is a wonder to […]

Unger & Thirst

Panic Strikes Bible Camp After Tuck Shop Runs Out of Doritos and Pepsi

July 31, 2019 Andrew

CAMP MENNO BIRD, SK The staff at Camp Menno Bird have been on damage control this week after the tuck shop ran out of Doritos and Papsi the very first day. “We simply didn’t order […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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