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Month: November 2025

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man “Crosses the Floor” to Join the Lutherans

November 7, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON  Although it’s controversial in some circles, it’s been part of the Anabaptist system, and the Protestant system more generally, for centuries – crossing the floor. Whenever a church member feels slighted, offended, or […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Teens Keep Yelling “606” in Sunday School

November 5, 2025 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON It’s perhaps the most annoying trend to hit Sunday school this year, as Mennonite middle schoolers keep yelling “SIX-oh-six” at every opportunity. “There I am trying to tell them about the loaves and […]

Unger the Influence

White House Reassures Mennonites New Ballroom Won’t Be Used for Dancing

November 3, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Desperate the quell a rising tide of angry Mennonite voters, the White House clarified this afternoon that the new ballroom would not be used for dancing. “Only faspas and quilt auctions,” said press […]

Unger Games

Lodged Perogy Costs Blue Jays World Series

November 2, 2025 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The L.A. Dodgers are thanking a Mennonite baseball fan this week for dropping his delicious cottage cheese perogy into the outfield, which cost the Toronto Blue Jays a potential series-winning run in game […]

Unger Games

Mennonites Refuse to Watch ‘Worldly Series’

November 1, 2025 Andrew

ST. JACOBS, ON Thousands of Mennonites in southern Ontario have refused to join in on the festivities this evening after local pastors preached vehemently against the ‘Worldly Series’s this past Sunday. “I don’t know what […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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