Ra’bus Shortage Leaves Mennonites Eating Dry Roll Kuchen


With demand outstripping supply this year, millions of Mennonites have been left ra’busless and desperate for something to sweeten up their roll kuchen.

“You gotta have the golden syrup, maybe even some icing sugar, but even dan you need the ra’bus!” said Mr. Toews of Cuauhtemoc. “I really don’t know what we’ll do. I think the Canadians ate all our ra’bus!”

Without ra’bus, the Mennonites have been trying out other fruit to accompany their roll kuchen.

“Tried a honeydew melon. Oba, no good. Tried a canteloupe. No thanks!” said Toews. “There’s nothing that can replace a nice juicy piece of ra’bus!”

With supplies at dangerous lows, some Mennonites have taken to chewing well into the green part.

“You should see old Mr. Klassen. Diewel, that man is going to have a tummy ache yet!” said Toews. “Let me tell you, this ra’bus shortage is reeeeeeeally creating some troubles yet!”

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