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summer

The Daily Bonnet

Last Chance to Work on Your Farmer’s Tan this Weekend

September 4, 2020 Andrew

KENORA, ON Mennonites across the Canadian Prairies will be taken advantage of the long weekend to work on their farmer’s tans this weekend. It’s the last chance they have to do so until the cold […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Family Plans Exotic Vacation in Morden this Summer

September 1, 2020 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Since international travel remains a no-go this year, Winkler family, the Schroeders, have decided to go someplace they’ve never been to before, that being the neighbouring community of Morden. “We’ve been to Playa […]

Unger Suspicion

1.4 Million Manitobans Show Up at Steep Rock All at Once

August 2, 2020 Andrew

STEEP ROCK, MB If Facebook and Instagram are any evidence, it seems that every single person in the province of Manitoba showed up at Steep Rock this weekend. “Oba, we even had to share a […]

Unger & Thirst

Ra’bus Shortage Leaves Mennonites Eating Dry Roll Kuchen

June 27, 2020 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO With demand outstripping supply this year, millions of Mennonites have been left ra’busless and desperate for something to sweeten up their roll kuchen. “You gotta have the golden syrup, maybe even some icing […]

The Daily Bonnet

Unseasonable Warmth Has Mennonites Flocking to the Pits

January 26, 2020 Andrew

HOCHSTEIN, MB As temperatures have risen well above freezing this week, Mennonites across southern Manitoba have been flocking to the local gravel pits for a swim. “Kjnels, don’t forget the zoat!” yelled Jakob Krahn, as […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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