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soccer

Unger Games

Local Man Dies of Boredom Watching Soccer

July 2, 2018 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Local man Mr. Gingrich, 73, of Kitchener passed away peacefully in his sleep yesterday. He was discovered by his daughter Samantha, who found him on the couch with a World Cup match still […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Fakes Injury to Avoid Church this Morning

July 1, 2018 Andrew

MENNO COLONY, PARAGUAY Guillermo Toews, 26, of Menno Colony went down with an injury early this morning, but slo-motion replay shows he’s “clearly just faking it to avoid going to church.” “We’ve seen this kind […]

Unger Games

2018 FIFA Mennonite World Cup Rankings

June 14, 2018 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA FIFA has announced its final rankings just before the 2018 Mennonite World Cup in Russia. Some of these rankings have us a little baffled. Let’s have a look. 1) Russia  – Some have […]

The Daily Bonnet

Team of Paraguayan Mennonites Defeats Canadian National Soccer Team

May 23, 2017 Andrew

ASUNCION, PARAGUAY A group of guys from the Fernheim Colony, Paraguay took on the Canadian men’s national soccer team in Asuncion this past week and came away with a resounding five to nil victory. The […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Soccer Mom Undergoes Surgery to Become Hockey Mom

November 12, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Area woman, Jessica V. Brandt, has recently undergone plastic surgery just in time for the winter hockey season. “I have this procedure done once a year,” said Brandt. “As soon as the kids start […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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