Argentina Runs Out of Yerba Mate Moments After World Cup Victory


After consuming more than 100 million kilos of yerba mate in just 90 minutes, the supply of green leafy tea in the World Cup champion nation of Argentina, is now completely dry.

“I was glued to the television set and sucking back that stuff like you’ve never seen it,” said Mr. Klassen from a local colony. “Did I say television set? I mean, I was, umm, in church this morning. Yeah, that’s right. No futbol for me.”

Argentines of all stripes were celebrating the victory with a gourd and bombilla, but the country’s Mennonite population seemed particularly interested in the beverage.

“It’s not like we’re allowed to drink a Malbec or Fernandito,” said Klassen. “Yerba mate is all we have.”

By Sunday afternoon, yerba mate was in short supply and the Klassens didn’t know what to drink at faspa.

“I can’t figure out what happened,” said Klassen. “Even my cousins in Paraguay don’t drink this much yerba tea. Of course, they’ve never won the World Cup either.”

Experts say the low global supply of yerba mate may have been caused by Canada’s Mennonite population, who have been sipping on yerba tea for the past few weeks celebrating the fact that their country finally scored a goal.

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