Winkler Sees Surge in ‘West Reserve Alienation’ After Election Results


Residents of the former Mennonite West Reserve (or Jantsied as it’s more commonly known) have become increasingly disenchanted with the state of politics at the present day. This feeling of alienation is so strong in the Winkler-Altona corridor that a group of locals are threatening to separate from Morden.

“We’ve got all the resources here–flax, soybean, canola–and what do we get in return? A bit of booze and few dinosaur bones!” exclaimed West Reserve separatist leader Jason Penner. “We’re sick and tired of getting a raw deal. From now on, we’re having faspa all on our own, and those Mordeners are not invited!”

Winklerites are miffed at the fact that a few Mordeners seemed to have voted differently than they did.

“Mordeners don’t represent me!” exclaimed Mr. Penner. “Morden values need to stay in Morden!”

Some in the West Reserve have also expressed concern that Mennonite power seems to be concentrated in the east…reserve, that is.

“All the decisions about how thorough the foot-washing needs to be, or how large a donation to the church gymnasium fund you need to give in order to get a tax-deductable receipt–it’s seems like those East Reservers are controlling everything!” said Mr. Penner. “As far as I’m concerned, they can have their country and we’ll have our own.”

The feeling of alienation, however, was not shared by all residents of the former West Reserve.

“I don’t think separation is a good idea,” said Mr. Klassen. “How are we going to get our schmaunt fat to the market if we’re completely land-locked? I hate to say it, but we need them as much as they need us.”

Undeterred, Mr. Penner is hoping to persuade Parliament to officially declare Jantsieders a “distinct culture”.

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