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Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Cancels Italy Trip After Discovering Olive Garden

November 5, 2017 Andrew

LINDEN, AB An area woman has decided to cancel her upcoming “vacation of a lifetime” to Italy after discovering the rustic regional Italian cuisine of Olive Garden. Mrs. Eleanor Schmidt, a retired nurse from Linden […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Insists Server Who is Just Doing Her Job is Flirting With Him

October 18, 2017 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Billy Doerksen, a 52-year-old farmer and frequent customer at BJ’s Kafe in Leamington, mistook a friendly smile and warm welcome for flirtation this past Wednesday. “It was pretty damn awkward,” said 27-year-old server […]

Unger & Thirst

Tim Hortons Introduces Full Line of Yerba Products

September 22, 2017 Andrew

GRETNA, MB The popular Tim Hortons shop in Gretna, Manitoba is set to become the first Tims in the region to replace their entire line of beverages with Paraguayan yerba mate. Gretna Tims, which just […]

The Daily Bonnet

Bottomless Pepsi Promotion Bankrupts Local Restaurant

May 1, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB One of Steinbach’s great and storied restaurants Joe’s Diner was once an instituton on Main Street, serving three generations of customers with its signature hamburgers and soda pop. It was always believed that […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Family Feeds Hungry Puppies at Local Buffet

April 29, 2017 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON A Sunday smorgasbord at a local diner turned into a feeding frenzy, with area Mennonite families sneaking their beloved pets into the buffet line. By just 12:30 the roast beef was completely gone because […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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