Mennonite Woman Cancels Italy Trip After Discovering Olive Garden


An area woman has decided to cancel her upcoming “vacation of a lifetime” to Italy after discovering the rustic regional Italian cuisine of Olive Garden. Mrs. Eleanor Schmidt, a retired nurse from Linden had planned to spend three weeks in Tuscany this fall, but now says, “why bother?”

“Ever since I was a little girl I’ve dreamed of going to Italy and seeing the great works of Botticelli and Brunelleschi for myself,” said Schmidt. “I’ve watched every video Rick Steves ever made about Italy. I even bought myself a money belt. Now that I’ve encountered Olive Garden breadsticks, however, I think I’ll just stay in rural Alberta forever.”

After driving into the city to dine at a Calgary Olive Garden location, Mrs. Schmidt figured she’d had enough authentic Italian food and couldn’t imagine that the deep-fried parmesan zucchini bites were any better in Florence.

“Plus, that salad yet,” exclaimed Mrs. Schmidt. “It just keeps coming and coming. Who needs to go all the way to Italy when we’ve got this amazing restaurant right here in the mall parking lot?”

When asked whether she’d regret not seeing Michelangelo’s David in person, Mrs. Schmidt just pointed to the mural on the Olive Garden wall and said, “Nah, I’m good.”

(photo credit: Mike Mozart/CC)

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