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music

Unger Suspicion

Justin Bieber Buys Vacation Home in Elkhart, Indiana

September 3, 2016 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Mennonites throughout northern Indiana are excited to have a celebrity in their midst, as Canadian heartthrob and model citizen Justin Bieber has recently purchased a $30,000,000 mansion in Elkhart. The beachfront property on […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadian Mennonites Pay Tribute to the Tragically Hip

August 21, 2016 Andrew

KINGSTON, ON After the Tragically Hip played their final concert ever last night in Kingston, Ontario, millions of Canadians, including Mennonites, paid tribute to the iconic Canadian band. “I’ve never clapped before in my life…but […]

Unger Suspicion

Bono Vows to Fight the Abes Epidemic in Winkler

August 9, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Famed rock singer and humanitarian Bono met with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau this past week to encourage the leader to do something about the Abes epidemic in the small Mennonite city of […]

Unger Suspicion

Legendary Hip-Hop Group Run EMC to Reunite for Annual Church Convention

July 2, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Delegates at the Evangelical Mennonite Conference convention this week will be in for a real treat, as legendary hip-hop act Run EMC is set to perform after Sunday faspa. “We’re really looking forward […]

The Daily Bonnet

Thousands of Steinbachers Set Up Lawn Chairs Just Outside Concert Gates To Avoid Paying

June 18, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Always trying to getting something for nothing, tens of thousands of Steinbachers pitched their lawn chairs within listening distance of Summer in the City concerts this weekend. “Yeah, well, I can hear perfectly […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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