TORONTO, ON After centuries of skating, Canadians have mastered the art of maneuvering their bodies at high speeds on sheets of ice, but scientists are baffled by the fact that not a single one of […]
CALGARY, AB As the owners of the beloved Calgary Flames threaten to move the team to Houston or Seattle, tens of thousands of Calgarians have returned to church in order to “get right with the […]
BRANDON, MB The Canadian Olympic Men’s hockey team was announced Thursday and it turns out most of the guys are just random dudes from your church floor hockey league. “With the NHL boycotting the Olympics […]
PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA The International Olympic Committee announced on Tuesday that Mennonites “and other Anabaptists” will be banned from competing in the 2018 Pyeongchang Winter Olympics. The IOC believes that schmaunt fat and formavorcht give […]
WINNIPEG, MB Thousands of Manitobans were lined up outside the Legislative Building in Winnipeg this afternoon for their chance to get up close and personal with Brian Pallister’s broken left arm. Manitobans of all walks […]
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