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Unger Conviction

Local Church Becomes 7-Eleven Franchise So it Can Reopen as an Essential Service

December 9, 2020 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK The EGCMB Church of Saskatoon has installed five Slurpee machines and a place to rotate the wieners so that they can reopen as an essential business this Sunday. “Come for the gospel, stay […]

Unger Suspicion

Passengers Rush to Board ‘Super Safe’ Flight with 99% Survival Rate

December 5, 2020 Andrew

CHICAGO, IL Passengers boarding a flight from Chicago to London today felt “super safe” after the captain announced that the plane had a “99% survival rate.” “Good evening. This is your captain speaking. The skies […]

Unger Conviction

New Edition of ‘Martyrs Mirror’ to Include Section on Minor Inconveniences Facing the Modern North American Church

November 30, 2020 Andrew

COLUMBUS, OH For centuries Thielman J. van Bright’s 17th century tome Martyrs Mirror or The Bloody Theater has preserved the horrific stories of martyrdom faced by Christians of the past. Now these tales of martyrs being burned […]

Unger Conviction

Area Church Seemingly Doesn’t Realize that God is Not Confined to a Parking Lot

November 29, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB During their services this morning, one church group in Winnipeg and another one on a dirt road in the RM of Hanover have decided to shatter thousands of years of Christian teaching regarding […]

Unger Suspicion

Etobicoke Eager to Become the New Steinbach

November 28, 2020 Andrew

ETOBICOKE, ON With barbecue joints defying health orders and hundreds of partiers caught not social distancing in a storage locker, the community of Etobicoke, Ontario is eagerly seeking to dethrone Steinbach, Manitoba as the “Covid […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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