New Edition of ‘Martyrs Mirror’ to Include Section on Minor Inconveniences Facing the Modern North American Church


For centuries Thielman J. van Bright’s 17th century tome Martyrs Mirror or The Bloody Theater has preserved the horrific stories of martyrdom faced by Christians of the past. Now these tales of martyrs being burned at the stake will be joined with tales of modern day North American martyrdom, such as having to wear a mask once in a while or being forced to worship the Lord via Zoom.

“I’m really looking forward to the new ‘Minor Inconveniences’ section!” said one local church goer and persecution complex sufferer. “I can’t wait to see Jan Luyken’s copper engraving of me in line at Walmart a full six feet away from the person in front of me. That’s gotta go right next to the story of Dirk Willems!”

The new expanded edition will include such horrific atrocities facing North American Christians over the past 100 years such as being richer than any other people group on the planet, with the possible exception of like Norway or something, having only 6 of 9 Supreme Court justices, and having to suffer through that terrible Cats movie last year.

“When I think of how my brothers and sisters around my wealthy suburban neighbourhood are suffering for their faith, it breaks my heart,” said one local woman. “I mean, last week, Mrs. Schmidt had to reset her modem when the wifi went out and she missed half of Pastor Darryl’s sermon. If that’s not persecution, I can’t imagine what is!”

‘Martyrs Mirror: Tales of the Minorly Inconvenienced’ will go on sale this month exclusively from Amazon.

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