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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Village Gets Downgraded to Darp Status

September 25, 2018 Andrew

PLAUTFELD, MB After losing it’s only remaining residents under the age of the sixty, the tiny Mennonite village of Plautfeld has officially been downgraded to darp. According to Manitoba government classifications the term “darp” is […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Politician Splits from Conservatives to Form the Tupperware Party

August 23, 2018 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON It seems Maxine Bernier is not the only one leaving the Conservative Party to form one of his own. Mennonite MP Cassandra Petkau of the Neuhochenfeld Riding has become disgruntled and is seeking […]

Unger Suspicion

Saudi Arabia to Remove All Statues of Justin Trudeau

August 14, 2018 Andrew

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA After an online Twitter war with the Canadian Prime Minister about human rights, the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia has made the decision to “immediately remove any and all statues of Justin Trudeau […]

Unger Suspicion

101 Reasons for Americans to Hate Canada

June 14, 2018 Andrew

Dear America, Where did it all go wrong? We used to be good such good friends. What happened? All of a sudden you’re best pals with North Korea and Russia and we’re being told there’s […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadian Government Spends $4.5 Billion on Old Useless Crap From Mrs. Penner’s Garage Sale

June 1, 2018 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The Canadian government announced Tuesday that it would be spending more than four billion dollars of taxpayer money on purchasing “whatever useless crap those Mennonites have for sale at their garage sales this […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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