New Steakhouse to Offer Extra Tough and Chewy Steak ‘Just the Way Mennonites Like It’


A brand new steakhouse in the small Mennonite town of Blumenort is offering patrons a delectable array of the toughest overcooked pieces of beef.

“We specialize in old dairy cows,” said restaurant proprietor Erin Bueckert. “Then we cook them to order with a full range of temperatures, whether you like it well done, extra well done, or burnt to a crisp.”

Aware that Mennonites fear any amount of pink in their steak, Oma’s Steakhouse plans to cook steak just like you had it growing up.

“The goal is for people to gnaw on each piece of steak for several minutes before giving up and discarding it discreetly in a napkin,” said Bueckert. “If your jaw isn’t sore by the end of the meal, you get your money back.”

Bueckert says she selects only the choicest of steaks with next to no fat content and as little marbling as possible.

“Then we take them out of the freezer and grill them for 45 minutes,” said Bueckert. “On each side.”

Onkel Jacob of Blumenort is really looking forward to finally visiting a steakhouse that cooks it just the way he likes it.

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