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Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Sunday School Kids to Open for Barack Obama

March 4, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The annual Bible memorization competition will take a larger stage this year after former President Barack Obama invited the little tykes to be the opening act for his performance tonight in Winnipeg. “I’m […]

Unger Suspicion

Trudeau Really Hoping ‘Everyone Is Way Too High to Notice Scandal’

February 28, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Knowing he was soon going to face the biggest scandal of his political career, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau made sure Canadians “had a few months to get nice and toasted” before the […]

Unger Suspicion

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez a Big Hit on Hutterite Colony

February 18, 2019 Andrew

WOKE RIVER COLONY, SD A young Hutterite woman at Woke River Colony in South Dakota had some explaining to do after dozens of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez posters were found prominently displayed on her bedroom walls this […]

Unger & Thirst

“But I Didn’t Inhale”: Mennonite Politician Confesses to Consuming Borscht

February 11, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON In a recent television interview, Canadian MP Lina Klippenstein confessed to consuming large quantities of komst borscht during her “wild college days.” “I’m not going to lie to you,” said Klippenstein. “It was […]

Unger & Thirst

Molson Drinkers Really Excited About Canada Food Guide’s Recommendation to Drink More Water

January 23, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The new Canada Food Guide was released this week and is already causing quite the stir. The new guidelines suggest that Canadians should eat more vegetables and whole grains, while “making water your […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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