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Unger & Thirst

Liberal Mennonite Church Approves the Use of Seedless Watermelons

August 2, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Altona’s most progressive Mennonite church, the EAMBCM, is causing waves this week after the elder board voted to approve the consumption of seedless watermelons at church picnics. “I knew that church was full of […]

Unger & Thirst

Pepsi-Cola to Rebrand in Mennonite Country

August 1, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Due to slumping sales, Pepsi-Cola is undergoing a name and logo change in certain markets such as the Pembina Valley, Fraser Valley, Chihuahua and the Paraguayan Chaco. The cola will now officially be known […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Splash Park Offers Unique Way to Beat the Heat this Summer

July 31, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB With temperatures soaring above 30 degrees centigrade this summer, the City of Steinbach has announced a revolutionary new plan for residents to beat the heat. The city announced Monday that all the local […]

Unger Suspicion

McCartney Cancels Show in Mennonite Town Over Lack of Vegetarian Options

July 21, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Legendary musician and notorious veggie-lover Paul McCartney has decided to cancel his upcoming summer concert in Steinbach, citing what he calls “an embarrassing lack of vegetarian options.” “That town is full of Mennonites […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Woman Still Shops at Penner Foods

July 17, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Even though the store was bought out by Sobeys years ago, local woman Susie Wall, 85, remains one of only a handful of Steinbach residents who still insist on doing their grocery shopping at […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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