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Month: May 2023

Unger & Thirst

Pantry Inspector Fines Mennonite Woman for Hoarding All the Aylmer Tomatoes

May 31, 2023 Andrew

AYLMER, ON During the semi-annual Mennonite church pantry inspection this week, Mrs. Martens was caught with more tomato cans than she needed for a lifetime and received a 3-month suspension of her pantry license, plus […]

Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Frequents Thrift Store to Avoid Doing Laundry

May 29, 2023 Andrew

NEWTON, KS Local MCC volunteers have finally discovered why local woman, Erin Friesen, 44, of Newton, Kansas frequents their store 3 or 4 times a week. “Every time she’s got a load of laundry to […]

Unger Conviction

Oba yo, Candice Bergen was right: Why We Know the Young People Really are “Brainwashed”

May 28, 2023 Andrew

BY: ABE FROM VANKLA Oba yo, I don’t normally agree with a woman, but this time I do. Candice Bergen is right! The young people these days. Diewel! I’m just glad someone was finally willing […]

Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Fired from Volunteer Job that Doesn’t Pay Anything

May 27, 2023 Andrew

SCHANZHIMMEL, SK Area woman Ruth Kehler, 76, has been fired from her job that doesn’t pay anything for apparently talking too much when she should have been ripping up denim jeans. “If you’re going to […]

Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Fined by Airline for Trying Baggage Hack of Wearing All Her Clothes

May 25, 2023 Andrew

ST. CATHERINE’S, ON Mrs. Berg of St. Catherine’s, Ontario received a $606 fine after attempting to board her Air Canada flight to Kitchener this afternoon wearing all her clothes. “Got any bags to check?” said […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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