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food

The Daily Bonnet

Word Bird Gives Fred Penner Plautdietsch Word

January 15, 2026 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Producers were scrambling on the set of Fred Penner’s Place this week after the beloved children’s entertainer was given the Low German word “gnurpel” by the Word Bird. “Waut de schissjat is going […]

Unger Conviction

Dozens of Mennonites Take Ill On Stale Communion Crackers

July 21, 2025 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Nearly thirty congregants at the local Mennonite church had to go home early this Sunday after partaking in communion with some pretty sketchy looking crackers. “We’ve been using the same box of crackers […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Impressed with Such Large Portions of Such Poor Quality Food

January 3, 2025 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Area man Garry Kehler, 57, was very impressed with the huge portions of grisly disgusting “beef” he received at his favourite local diner Dave’s Feeding Trough. “Nobody else is doing portion sizes like […]

Unger & Thirst

Banana Turns Brown Mere Seconds After Entering House

December 11, 2024 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Tina Yoder, 61, of Elkhart had just got out of the theology class she’s been auditing, when she decided she needed to stop by at the grocery store for a few items before […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Runner Turns Map Into Giant Dancing Dill Pickle

December 9, 2024 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Area man Gabe Eby, 29, has been jogging all over KW during the past few months creating patterns on his running app that his fellow Mennonites will find recognizable and comforting. “At first […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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