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farmer sausage

Unger Suspicion

Hidden Farmer Sausage Discovered in Obama’s Portrait

February 15, 2018 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC “It’s clearly a secret message for the Russian Mennonite community,” said Elder Janzen of Omaha. “He had formavorscht on the brain.” Janzen is referring to the recent portrait of former President Barack Obama, […]

Unger & Thirst

Tide Pods Added to Grandma’s Delightful Faspa Spread

January 20, 2018 Andrew

YARROW, BC Having heard something of this whole “Tide Pod craze” from her grandchildren, Mrs. Neufeld of Yarrow, 69, decided to spice up the faspa last Sunday by adding a delightful selection of laundry detergent […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Hunter Bags Huge Sausage

November 21, 2017 Andrew

WHITESHELL, MB Avid hunter, Mr. Timothy Krahn, 36, of Kleefeld, managed to bag an enormous 800-pound farmer sausage in the Whiteshell this weekend. At 340 5/8 points, the farmer sausage is the highest-scoring sausage ever […]

Unger & Thirst

A Calorie Guide to Mennonite Cooking

September 16, 2017 Andrew

In the days before we became lazy and assimilated, Mennonites wouldn’t concern themselves with such things. We worked hard all day on the farm, where we could easily sweat out even the very fattiest of […]

Unger & Thirst

World’s Longest Farmer Sausage Stretches from Blumenort to Steinbach

September 10, 2017 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Measuring 9.8 kilometres and weighing in at more than 17 tonnes, the neighbouring towns of Blumenort and Steinbach have just entered the Guinness Book of Records with the world’s longest farmer sausage. The […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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