Manitoba Plans to Have 2 Million Friesens By the Year 2030


Conservative leader Heather Stefanson has laid out her aggressive plan to increase Manitoba’s population to 2 million people by the year 2030 using the province’s most efficient reproduction machine: Friesens.

“Really, I’m just hoping we increase the population by half a million people or so. It doesn’t really matter to me if they’re Friesens or not, but given their fertility rates, it seems only prudent that we recruit them to push us over the top,” said Stefanson. “If re-elected, we will be shutting down all commercial enterprises from 2 to 4 each Sunday afternoon so that couples will have no distractions.”

Each Friesen household will also be given an old Nintendo64, which is supposed to keep the other kids occupied while their parents are “napping.”

“I’m optimistic we can reach 2 million,” said Stefanson. “We’ll even let the Penners and Wiebes help out if they want.”

Critics say the goal is unrealistic without outside assistance.

“If they can prevent the outmigration of Friesens to Abbotsford, BC, then maybe,” said NDP Leader Wab Kinew. “But as far as I can tell, Friesens are already producing at maximum capacity.”

Experts say the 2 million goal is only possible with a huge increase in productivity from the Pletts of Landmark.

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