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The Daily Bonnet

Local Trajchtmoakas Demand the Right to be Called “Doctors”

November 25, 2020 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB The local Knipsers and Knibblers Union 606 of La Crete is petitioning the Province of Alberta to have Mennonite folk chiropractors (known colloquially as “trajchtmoakas“) classified as “doctors.” “Oba, those medical doctors […]

Unger Games

New ‘Chief Medical Officer’ Trading Cards are Flying Off the Shelves

April 16, 2020 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB With no sports to watch at the moment, the provincial Chief Medical Officers have become the nation’s new idols, with children and adults alike enthusiastically following their every move. One local company has […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Reluctantly Agrees to Wash His Hands Once in a While to Prevent Coronavirus

March 3, 2020 Andrew

GNADENHUNT, MB After being persuaded by his wife, mother and pastor on the dangers of the new coronavirus, Mr. Toews has agreed that he’ll run some lukewarm water on his hands at least once a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Demands Quackery be Covered By Provincial Health Insurance

November 26, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local woman Mrs. Dueck, 57, of North Kildonan has racked up more than $15,000 over the past couple years in quackery bills and says it’s time the provincial government covers the cost. “They […]

The Daily Bonnet

Choking Mennonite Man Saved by the Heinrichs Maneuver

June 15, 2019 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Local man, Mr. Wiebe fe’schuckled himself on a watermelon seed at the church picnic this weekend, but thanks to some quick thinking by one of the Heinrichs boys, he was saved. “I […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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