Census Shows 96% of Canadian Men are Named Gord


Statistics Canada has released the results of a brand new survey that shows that 95.7% of Canadian men sport the first name Gord.

“Basically we went to the Yonge-Dundas Square and starting yelling names,” said Gord Tyson of Stats Canada. “We tried Pat, Tom, Brian, even Darren, but we didn’t get all that many reactions. But, boy oh boy, did the heads turn when we yelled, ‘hey, Gord, over here!'”

According to the numbers, there are 18,243,115 Gords in Canada, including more than 3 million in the GTA alone.

“This is why the Canadian government is starting a new initiative to get parents to name their kids something, anything but Gord,” said Canadian Minister of Families Gord Gordson. “We’re really going to incentivize non-Gord names like Justin or something.”

The study also showed that the other 4.3% of Canadian men were Abes in Southern Manitoba.

Cuauhtémoc Selected as 2026 World Cup Host City
NHL Teams Clamour to Sign Any Toews They Can