Mennonite Woman Demands Quackery be Covered By Provincial Health Insurance


Local woman Mrs. Dueck, 57, of North Kildonan has racked up more than $15,000 over the past couple years in quackery bills and says it’s time the provincial government covers the cost.

“They cover scientifically-tested procedures for patients with legitimate health concerns, so why not cover my quackery bills as well,” said Mrs. Dueck. “Just because I’ve been duped by some quack, doesn’t mean I should have to pay for it.”

Mrs. Dueck has had a long-standing relationship with her local quack, who has treated her for a wide range of ailments that all seem to recur shortly after a successful treatment.

“Who is to say the treatments I’m receiving in some hairy Mennonite guy’s garage aren’t every bit as legitimate as those provided by a physician in a hospital?” said Mrs. Dueck. “It’s time that quackery is respected for the tremendous service it does for our society!”

The Manitoba Association of Total Quacks has announced their support of Mrs. Dueck.

“As quacks, we know how hard it is on victims, I mean patients, like Mrs. Dueck,” said head of the quack association. “We charge her thousands of dollars for treatments that really don’t work and we know how much of a burden that is on people, so we urge the government to cough up the cash!”

Mrs. Dueck plans to continue receiving quack treatments until all her untreated ailments finally catch up to her.

Mennonite Woman Arrested for Stealing Her Neighbour's Ham
Cheech & Chong Heading Straight for Niverville