Local Trajchtmoakas Demand the Right to be Called “Doctors”


The local Knipsers and Knibblers Union 606 of La Crete is petitioning the Province of Alberta to have Mennonite folk chiropractors (known colloquially as “trajchtmoakas“) classified as “doctors.”

“Oba, those medical doctors with their actual science and learnin’ and such,” said local right-maker and bone-setter Frank ‘Feather Fingers’ Fehr. “Who are they to have a monopoly on the word ‘doctor’? I think anyone with a steady forefinger and a century’s old home remedy made from prune juice has just as much right to the word ‘doctor’ as doctors do.”

The trajchtmoakas are under the impression that if they go around calling themselves doctors, people will take their medical advice seriously.

“There’s a lot more to health than what they teach you in those books and schoolin’ and all that,” said Fehr. “There’s also crackin’ necks and rubbing Oma’s pickle juice into all the right spots!”

‘Doctor’ Feather Fingers Fehr, as he’s soon to be known, is also advising locals on how to boost their immunity the natural way by sprinkling in a little bit of whatever Abe brings in on his barn boots into every raisin bun or tweebak.

“Hey, you know, let’s be honest here,” said Fehr. “I have just as much right to be called Doctor Fehr as our pastor has to be called Reverend.”

Premier Jason Kenney said he really likes the idea and plans to put all the money he axed from the provincial health budget into trajchtmoaka training schools across the province.

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