Mennonite Man Reluctantly Agrees to Wash His Hands Once in a While to Prevent Coronavirus


After being persuaded by his wife, mother and pastor on the dangers of the new coronavirus, Mr. Toews has agreed that he’ll run some lukewarm water on his hands at least once a week.

“Diewel, do I really have to?” said Mr. Toews. “Water ain’t cheap, and my hands aren’t that dirty anyway.”

Mr. Toews usually uses what he called the ‘pants test’, wherein he wipes his hands on his pants and if there isn’t a visible stain afterwards, he declares that his hands are just fine the way they are. Family members are concerned this may not be enough.

“We got him to agree to wash once a week and use a little squeeze of soap,” said Mrs. Toews. “But if things continue I might have to quarantine him in the garden shed out back.”

Mr. Toews says his hands are more than clean enough to set the kitchen table and there’s no cause for concern.

“I don’t drink Corona anyway,” he said.

Mr. Toews has recently been removed from kitchen cleanup duty after potluck, which some have suggested was his motivation for the dirty hands all along.

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