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Unger & Thirst

Tim Hortons Raises Starting Wage to 15 Timbits an Hour

January 13, 2018 Andrew

OAKVILLE, ON In response to widespread criticism of recent cuts to employee benefits in some of its stores, iconic Canadian donut chain Tim Hortons has graciously decided to raise its starting wage from 12 Timbits […]

Unger Suspicion

Volkswagen Offers Customers Financial Compensation for the Embarrassment of Driving a Volkswagen

January 3, 2018 Andrew

WOLFSBURG, GERMANY After executive Oliver Schmidt was sentenced to seven years in prison for the Volkswagen emissions scandal, the German automaker is now offering embarrassed customers financial compensation for the “utter humiliation of having to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Go Crazy for New Cryptocurrency the ‘Plettcoin’

December 27, 2017 Andrew

LANDMARK, MB A new Mennonite cryptocurrency known as the plettcoin soared to record highs this past week before quickly plummeting to embarrassing lows. The plettcoin, once valued at close to $20,000, is now so useless […]

Unger Suspicion

What Happens When a Mennonite Replies to an Email Scammer? (This is for Real)

December 6, 2017 Andrew

A while ago I watched a TED Talk by James Veitch, which documents what happened when he replied to a spam email offering him the opportunity for riches beyond compare if only he would provide some […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Couple Smashes Dragon’s Den Record with Roll Kuchen Company

November 8, 2017 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Lillianne and Gerald Koop of Dalmeny, Saskatchewan shattered the record for largest deal ever on Dragon’s Den with their delicious roll kuchen recipe. The roll kuchen company started a bidding war, with Manjit […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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