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Unger Suspicion

Empty Peavey Mart to be Replaced with Empty Pizza Hut

January 28, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Less than a year after opening its doors, the Peavey Mart in Steinbach will be closing shop to be replaced by an empty Pizza Hut. “We were really hoping an empty Safeway store […]

Unger Conviction

Faith Healer Offers Monthly Payment Plan

January 10, 2025 Andrew

CALGARY, AB A travelling miracle worker who claims to be able to heal back aches and migranes with just the power of his touch and a little faith, is offering “the fine folks of Calgary […]

Unger Suspicion

“Man does not live by bread alone”: Loblaws CEO Galen Weston Quotes Jesus to Defend Price-Fixing Scheme

July 25, 2024 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After a court ruling found the company guilty of bread price-fixing, Loblaws CEO Galen Weston cited the words of Jesus in defence of the company’s actions. “Man does not live by bread alone,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Boy Strikes it Rich Gathering Quartz from the Driveway

February 29, 2024 Andrew

GRUENFELD, SK Gruenfeld boy Joel Bergman, 9, has become the area’s youngest millionaire this week after discovering several quartz stones in the family’s gravel driveway. “Who would have thought his rock collecting hobby would turn […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Funeral Movie ‘The Burial’ Shocks Audiences with Sheer Lack of Pickles

October 18, 2023 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Producers of the highly-anticipated Mennonite funeral thriller The Burial have opted to stretch the truth a little and remove all references to pickles and/or raisin buns from the movie. “Oba, a movie about the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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