Tabloid Reports Corny Rempel Sightings at Local Gas Station


It seems that Southeast Manitoba’s most persistent conspiracy theory will never fade away, as yet another wave of Corny Rempel sightings has captured the attention of Hanover residents.

“I’m always keeping my eyes open for Corny Rempel,” said local gas station employee Patricia Friesen. “I’m pretty sure I saw him here just last week asking for ten dollars worth of regular unleaded.”

Friesen also claims that someone matching the description of Corny Rempel was spotted buying three teriyaki beef sticks and driving his vehicle through the automatic car wash on the weekend.

“He’s aged a little, but I’m pretty sure it was him,” said Friesen. “I’d recognize that hair anywhere!”

Others, however, are reluctant to believe in the supposed Corny sightings.

“Oba, nay! That’s all just wishful thinking,” said Mrs. Lois Reimer. “Oh, sure, we’d all like to bump into Corny Rempel in the check-out line, but let’s be realistic. It’s a big world and there’s only one Corny!”

The fact that the same local tabloid also reported numerous recent sightings of 19th century diarist Abram ‘Fuela’ Reimer has led some to question the veracity of the stories reported therein.

“Nah, junges! I don’t ever trust those tabloids newspapers,” said Mr. Friesen. “I think I’ll just stick to trusted sources like the Daily Bonnet!”

In the meantime, the controversy has divided the community and everyone seems to be on pins and needles hoping that maybe, just maybe, it all might be true and they, too, might run into Corny Rempel in the ten-items-or-less line.

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