Hutterite Women’s Hockey Team Totally Destroys Slumping Winnipeg Jets


By the time the first period was over, the Hutterite Women’s Hockey Team were already up eight nothing on the slumping Winnipeg Jets.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said Jets defensemen Neal Pionk. “Those Hutterite women just outplayed us. What can I say?”

The Hutterite hockey team is known for destroying their opponents, but this is the first time they’ve played at the NHL level.

“To be honest, we’re thinking of replacing our entire blue line with some Kleinsassers and Waldners,” said Jets head coach Paul Maurice. “I’m certain we’ll have much better results.”

The Jets, however, are being warned to play it cautious.

“Oh, sure you might be able to get a big name like Rebecca Mandel or Sarah Hofer at the trade deadline, but you’ll have to give away your future,” said one commentator. “I think the best strategy is to draft young Hutterite women and build your team from there.”

TSN analyst Bob McKenzie predicts that it’s only a matter of time before the entire NHL is made up of Hutterite women from the Elk Ridge Colony.

(photo credit: Sajeewa Welendagoda and Rainer Muller/CC/modified)

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