Putin “Too Busy Shirtless Hunting” to Attend Gorbachev’s Funeral


Russian dictator Vladimir Putin is “far too busy hunting with my shirt off” to attend the funeral of the best leader Russia’s had in the past 100 years.

“You see when it’s shirtless hunting season, you really can’t just drop everything to pay your respects to a man whose legacy makes your own look very pathetic,” explained Putin. “If there’s anything I want the Russian people to know, it’s that I’m behind them with my shirt off 100%.”

In an effort to prove how manly he is, Putin then stripped off all his clothes, grabbed a rifle, and ran out to frolic in a nearby field.

“I’m a busy man. A very busy man,” said Putin, grabbing a very small fig-leaf to cover his parts from the cameras. “Ahh, this is the life.”

In addition to being “far too busy” to attend Gorbachev’s funeral, Putin also said he was much much too busy to stop and think for a moment about his own blood-thirsty war-mongering.

(photo credit: Jedimentat44/CC)

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