Politically Correct Glossary of Mennonite Terminology

In the 21st century, even Mennonites need to change. And sometimes that means changing our terminology for various things. In an effort to use more sensitive language and avoid offence, the Daily Bonnet has created this politically correct glossary of Mennonite vocabulary. Try to use these alternate words in your everyday speech.

  • Barn – Sentient-being comfort zone
  • Baptism – Liquid-induced public display of affiliation
  • Bonnet – Voluntary gender-specific headwear
  • Brethren – Co-conspirators
  • Church – Communal meeting facility
  • Elder – Age-enhanced purveyors of timeless wisdom
  • Faspa – Effort-reduced post-service meal
  • ‘Fuela’ Reimer – ‘Motivationally-deficient’ Reimer
  • Gossip (noun) – Information-disperal coordinator
  • Horse-and-Buggy – Organic transportation device
  • Hutterite – Communal-living spiritual-superior
  • Hymn – Herm/hymn
  • Mennonite – Personnonite
  • Pacifist – Violence-challenged individual
  • Relatives (frintschoft) – Genetically-linked acquaintances
  • Schmaunt fat –  Heaven sauce
  • Sermon – Personal subjective reflections on ancient texts
  • Sex – The act that shall remain nameless
  • Shunning – Semi-permanent social reorganization
  • Steinbach – The chosen land

(photo credit: Ben Babcock/CC/modified)

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