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Unger Conviction

Long-winded Mennonite Pastor Blamed for Burnt Sunday Roast

September 29, 2024 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Pastor Dan has been called before the church elder board this week after a particularly long-winded sermon led to the destruction of more than a dozen Sunday roasts this past weekend. “Mrs. Kroeker […]

Unger Conviction

New Pill Makes Mennonite Church Service Tolerable

October 29, 2022 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC After decades of research, a brand new pill has been approved by the Mennonite Health Service that makes Sunday morning church services just barely tolerable. “I don’t use this term lightly, but it’s […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Folds a Record 300 Bulletins in Just 5 Minutes

October 25, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area woman Lana Koop, 43, set an all time record this past Sunday by folding and stuffing more than 300 bulletins in just five minutes. “I knew that people would start filing in […]

Unger Conviction

Local Church Consists Entirely of Just Kehlers

October 25, 2021 Andrew

GRUENHIMMEL, SK New records reveal that an area Mennonite church is made up entirely of just one large Kehler family and a few women who’ve married in. “No wonder they call it the Kehler Church,” […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Couple ‘Devastated’ after Narrowly Missing Registration Deadline for Church this Sunday

April 24, 2021 Andrew

YARROW, BC Pamela and Thomas Bueckert of Yarrow, BC put off registering for church on this lovely Sunday morning just long enough that all the spots were taken and they had to spend their morning […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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