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Unger Conviction

Mennonite Couple Sits Through 3.5 Hours of Avatar But Can’t Handle 20 Minute Sermon

January 28, 2023 Andrew

FRESNO, CA On Saturday night, the Toewses of Fresno sat in a dark theatre for 3.5 hours with no intermission or pee break, but could not handle Pastor Dave’s quick 20 minute sermon the next […]

Unger Conviction

New Pill Makes Mennonite Church Service Tolerable

October 29, 2022 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC After decades of research, a brand new pill has been approved by the Mennonite Health Service that makes Sunday morning church services just barely tolerable. “I don’t use this term lightly, but it’s […]

Unger Conviction

World’s Coolest Mennonite Pastor Wears Fox Racing Hoodie to Church

August 2, 2022 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB In an effort to bring back the crowds, local Pastor Dan will be sporting a camo Fox Racing hoodie from now until church attendance is back to normal. “I might throw in a […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Couple Visits Every Single MB Church in the Fraser Valley

July 8, 2022 Andrew

YARROW, BC The Pletts of Yarrow have become the first couple ever to visit every single MB church in the Fraser Valley. “We try to visit about 30 to 40 MB churches per year,” said […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Hesitant to Get Vaccine after Learning He’ll Have to Start Attending Church Again

June 12, 2021 Andrew

REINLAND, MB The true source of southern Manitoba vaccine hesitancy has finally been discovered. A new survey indicates that fear of having to go to church again is causing a lot of folks in the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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