Mennonite Woman Accidentally Butt Dials the Whole Congregation


After uncomfortably shifting in her wooden pew for a full hour during the sermon, Mrs. Esau accidentally butt dialed the pastor, the pastor’s wife, five elders, every member of the women’s quilting bee, the chair and six underlings of the church potluck committee and dozens of other contacts she had on her phone.

“Never in all my life have I see a butt dial like that,” said Mrs. Funk, after the service. “The phones were ringing all over the sanctuary. Even Mr. Pankratz had a buzz in his pocket… and he doesn’t even have a cell phone.”

The eruption of ring tones and the sound of buzzing against the wooden pews caused such a disturbance that Pastor Dan had to interrupt his sermon half way through.

“I still had another forty-five minutes to go,” said Pastor Dan. “But my cell phone kept going off. Every time Mrs. Esau squirmed in her seat, I got another nonesensical text.”

Eventually the culprit was discovered five rows from the front on the left hand side.

“Mrs. Esau, your cell phone. Turn off your phone,” yelled Mrs. Funk. “You’re buttdialing again!”

Most traumatizing for the congregation, however, was the fact Mrs. Esau had dared to wear jeans to church.

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