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Unger Conviction

North Kildonan Gets its Own Area Code

March 22, 2022 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Manitoba is about to get its third area code. Starting next month, all residents of the Mennonite enclave of North Kildonan will be given the area code 606, “just to make it […]

Unger & Thirst

Canada-Wide Rogers Golden Syrup Outage Stretches on for Hours

April 19, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mennonites across the country were without Rogers Golden Syrup for more than five hours on Monday. “It’s a good thing it’s not a weekend when demand for Rogers Golden Syrup peaks,” said Doris […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Accidentally Butt Dials the Whole Congregation

March 23, 2021 Andrew

ST. CATHARINES, ON After uncomfortably shifting in her wooden pew for a full hour during the sermon, Mrs. Esau accidentally butt dialed the pastor, the pastor’s wife, five elders, every member of the women’s quilting […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Woman Dies While On Hold With Phone Company

May 8, 2019 Andrew

PANSY, MB Local woman Mrs. Goerzen passed away this week after a long and courageous battle to change her data package with her service provider. Goerzen was reportedly on hold with the company since early […]

The Daily Bonnet

98% of Mennos Still Using a Landline

March 3, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A new survey conducted in the lobby of the MBEM Church in Winkler reveals that a full 98% of Mennonites still rely on their landline telephone to communicate with the outside world. “Ach, […]

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    February 14, 2022

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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