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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Barely Recognizes Cousin He Hasn’t Seen Since Before the Pandemic

August 8, 2022 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB After not having seen his closest cousin in more than two years, local man Bob Peters walked right past cousin Tim in the knackzoat aisle at the Walmart this past week. “Oba […]

Unger & Thirst

New Reports Claims Children Just Faking It, Most Absolutely Love Broccoli and Brussels Sprouts

June 4, 2022 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON A new Health Canada study shows that kids have been fooling us the entire time. According to research, Canadian children report broccoli, brussels sprouts, and green peppers among their absolute favourite foods. “It […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Has Three Sisters Named Helen and Four Brothers Named Jake

April 20, 2022 Andrew

WYMARK, SK Local woman, Mrs. Letkeman was paging through her photo album this afternoon when it dawned on her that she had three sisters named Helen and four brothers named Jake. “Not to mention two […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Invites ‘Oma Krahn’ to Christmas Gathering

December 18, 2021 Andrew

SCHANZENGRUENBACH, SK The Epp family of Schanzengruenbach have extended a warm Schanzengruenbach welcome to special guest Oma Krahn this weekend. “Ah, Oma Krahn, welcome, welcome, I see you’ve brought along the bean salad,” said Mr. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Desperately Tries to Emulate Hallmark Christmas Movie

December 5, 2021 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK The Brauns of Swift Current have overcome a number of predictable obstacles this fall and are now ready to sit around an immaculately-decorated table, sing a few songs, and pretend to get […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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