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Unger & Thirst

World’s Most Innovative Mennonite Woman Puts Sweet and Sour Sauce on Her Farmer Sausage

March 26, 2022 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Mrs. Ruth Berg has been awarded the ‘World’s Most Innovative Mennonite’ prize this week for her ingenious use of sweet and sour sauce on farmer sausage. “And instead of vereniki, I serve this […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Forgets to Put Star Anise in Her Chicken Soup

October 30, 2019 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mrs. Toews was so thoroughly embarrassed with her failure to add star anise to her chicken soup at the soup and pie fundraiser this past week that she has vowed never to make […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Farmer Sausage Recipe Calls for 30 to 50 Feral Hogs

August 7, 2019 Andrew

A recently uncovered recipe for traditional Mennonite farmer sausage calls for “30 to 50 feral hogs.” The document, translated from Plautdietsch, and found jammed into a hymn book at the local Bergthaler church, is believed […]

Unger Suspicion

Mueller Report Finds No Collusion with the Russian Mennonites

March 25, 2019 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Donald Trump is “super pumped” today after the Mueller Report completely left out any mention of the Russian Mennonites. “I’ve been totally exonerated,” said Trump. “I know Crooked Hillary and the Dems were […]

Unger & Thirst

Handwritten Recipe Has Mennonite Children Scratching Their Heads

February 19, 2019 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Mrs. Driedger’s grandchildren were completely baffled by a handwritten recipe they found in the drawer with the tea towels. It seems the abbreviations she used were indecipherable to the fledgling cooks. “Does B.S. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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