Mennonite Man Takes Home Top Prize at Annual ‘Humility Awards’


The competition was fierce at the annual Mennonite Humility Awards this year, but, in the end, Mr. Samuel Janzen, 73, of Wichita was awarded the ‘Most Humble Person in Human History’ trophy.

“Woohoo! Up yours!” yelled Mr. Janzen to his competitors, as ‘We Are the Champions’ blared on the sound system. “I knew I was a hell of a lot humbler than any of these other losers!”

Janzen was judged to be a full 90% humbler than any other Mennonite in America and almost 300% humbler than your typical Presbyterian or Lutheran.

“Quite frankly, I knew I was going to win. Those other suckers didn’t stand a chance,” said Janzen. “When it comes to being humble, Mrs. Peters and Mr. Fehr ain’t got nothing on me!”

Janzen’s new duties as the 2018 Humility King include ribbon-cutting at local church expansions and counting the offering money each week.

“Oh, my gosh! Mr. Penner didn’t even give 5% of his annual income this year,” announced Mr. Janzen to a riveted audience. “No wonder he could afford that Caribbean cruise last winter.”

Mr. Janzen’s top priority in the new year is to create a 100 foot tall granite obelisk in his own honour in the church parking lot.

(photo credit: Fabian/CC)

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