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awards

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Takes Home Top Prize at Annual ‘Humility Awards’

April 27, 2026 Andrew

WICHITA, KS The competition was fierce at the annual Mennonite Humility Awards this year, but, in the end, Mr. Samuel Janzen, 73, of Wichita was awarded the ‘Most Humble Person in Human History’ trophy. “Woohoo! […]

Unger Games

Trump to Award Connor Helleybuyck Nation’s Highest Honour: The Undisputed Champion of Beautiful Clean Coal

February 25, 2026 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC President Trump announced this afternoon that he would be awarding Winnipeg Jets/Team USA goaltender Connor Helleybuyck the nation’s highest civilian honour. “And that, of course, is that made up coal trophy I was […]

The Daily Bonnet

A List of Every Mannanite Film Ever Nominated for Bast Picture

January 24, 2023 Andrew

BY: JAKOB PLATT, FALM AXPERT Oba, so the only movies I aver saw were at the Game and Fish Days there in Schteinback or maybe at the John Deere dealer. This makes me the most […]

Unger Suspicion

Sump Pump Awarded Order of Manitoba

May 5, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A sump pump from North Kildonan has been awarded the Order of Manitoba this year for its “meritorious service towards the well-being of the residents of Manitoba.” “It’s quite the honour,” said the […]

Unger Suspicion

Hollywood’s Biggest Stars Gather to Celebrate One Full Year of Not Saying Something Stupid Enough on Twitter to Get Cancelled

February 28, 2021 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA It’ll be a near empty theatre tonight as the half dozen or so Hollywood stars who didn’t get themselves cancelled this year gather to waltz down a socially distanced red carpet and pat […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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