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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Takes Home Top Prize at Annual ‘Humility Awards’

April 27, 2026 Andrew

WICHITA, KS The competition was fierce at the annual Mennonite Humility Awards this year, but, in the end, Mr. Samuel Janzen, 73, of Wichita was awarded the ‘Most Humble Person in Human History’ trophy. “Woohoo! […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Avoids Sinning By Going to a Film Instead of a Movie

April 15, 2025 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Area woman Carolyn Enns, 71, was sick and tired of all the wrath and judgement she received for attending a movie on occasion that she decided it was time she attended a film […]

Unger Conviction

Divine Intervention? Really Long Train Prevents Mennonite Couple from Entering the City

October 18, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The really freakin’ long train on Marion Street last night was seen as a sign of divine intervention by the Ungers of Blumenort. “Ugh, I guess we’re not supposed to go to that […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Lifts Television Ban Just in Time For that New Menno Sitcom

January 3, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The MBEMMMCGC Church of Winkler has allowed a “temporary dispensation” to allow parishioners to buy a used TV from the thrift store, prop it up on a bale in the yard, and watch […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Town Installs Massive New Rug Under which to Sweep All Their Problems

May 6, 2023 Andrew

HIMMELSFELD, MB The good folks of Himmelsfeld, Manitoba unveiled a massive new rug this week, under which they intend to sweep all the town’s problems. If it’s large enough, that is. “We’ve been sweeping our […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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