Man Disguised as Mennonite Woman Smears Schmaunt Fat on Mona Lisa


The world’s most famous painting was defiled this afternoon with a delicious white cream gravy known to Mennonites as “schmaunt fat.”

“I don’t really think of it as defilement really,” said head of Louvre security Pierre Bonnet. “I mean once I tasted it, I can totally understand why someone would try to smother everything with that stuff … even priceless art.”

The vandal, dressed in a longer flower dress and white sneakers, says he thought the Mona Lisa looked a little peckish.

“The room was so crowded I had no choice but the hurl the schmaunt fat up there and hope she liked it,” said Mr. Penner, who was in Europe on one of those Mennonite history tours. “I was about to toss my sausage up there, too, until security nabbed me.”

The incident caused quite the stir in the French culinary scene.

“We immediately took this mysterious substance to our labs,” said renowned Michelin-starred chef August Dupont. “Turns out it’s nothing more than beschemel sauce.”

City Mennonites across North America are reportedly already referring to schmaunt fat as beschemel so they sound more sophisticated.

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