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schmaunt fat

Unger & Thirst

Béchamel Sauce Revealed to be Nothing More than Schmaunt Fat

April 21, 2023 Andrew

PARIS, FRANCE The white roux known as béchamel sauce has been revealed to be nothing more than the Russian Mennonite peasant dish known as schmaunt fat. The revelation sent shockwaves across the haute cuisine community. […]

Unger & Thirst

Experts Now Say Schmaunt Fat Leaked from Lab in Winkler

March 6, 2023 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Experts are now saying the explosion of delicious schmaunt fat over the last few years did not arrive naturally but likely originated from a top secret laboratory in Mrs. Froese’s summer kitchen. “Oba, […]

Unger & Thirst

Truck Spills Schmaunt Fat All Over Memphis Highway

September 9, 2022 Andrew

MEMPHIS, TN “The schmaunt fat was everywhere. The schmaunt fat was in the northbound lane. The schmaunt fat was in the southbound lane. The schmaunt fat was pooling in all the potholes.” This, according to […]

Unger & Thirst

Man Disguised as Mennonite Woman Smears Schmaunt Fat on Mona Lisa

May 31, 2022 Andrew

PARIS, FRANCE The world’s most famous painting was defiled this afternoon with a delicious white cream gravy known to Mennonites as “schmaunt fat.” “I don’t really think of it as defilement really,” said head of […]

Unger & Thirst

Man with Two Doses of Schmaunt Fat Forced to Mix it Up with Rhubarb Sauce

January 12, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Despite receiving two helpings of vereniki with schmaunt fat, local man Michael Wall, 41, was told all they had left was rhubarb sauce for his third go around this week. “They said they’re […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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